Alternative Reality – 5/10/20

I went to a highfalutin car dealership this morning for an overpriced part. I’ve been going to work because my industry is considered “essential”.

I don’t wear a mask there or anywhere. 95% or more don’t either. When I saw 100% of the employees at this dealership wearing masks I became disconcerted. It was a Twilight Zone moment for me. It truly felt like I had crossed a portal into an alternative reality. I bet you 50% or more of the workers think this is stupid.

As I paid for the part the employee stood around the edge of the wall. I could not see him as he asked me to insert my card. I felt like I was in the gay version of that old show The Dating Game as he asked me questions. For a moment I thought I might have to fill out a contact tracing form.

Everyone in the lobby wore a mask and stared at their phones like zombies. It was like some kinda nightmare. Of course they all one by one eventually glared at the “idiot”, “the uncaring,” “the thoughtless fool,” going commando, psychologically naked, just letting my mouth and nostrils enjoy the free air without fear. I felt like I was in the midst of Karens stunned into silence. And talk about quiet. You could hear a flea sneeze.

When the guy handed me the part he stayed far away and extended his arms out completely. I kinda pretended to have T-Rex arms causing him to have to lean closer to me which made him very uncomfortable. I told him I was not going to kiss him with or without a mask and that I don’t swing that way.

As I got to the door I paused and gazed back. I did a fake cough.

They scattered.